ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
