it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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