The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
