High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
no more duck duck goose at the bar
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
