if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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