Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
