Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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