I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I want her autograph on my taint
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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