Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
