turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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