I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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