I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
