Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
