Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
