it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
