I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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