Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
