Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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