ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
