idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
