Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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