there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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