his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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