I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
