you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
