come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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