I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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