what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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