Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
