i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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