my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
