I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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