we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
