Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
