i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
