So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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