I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I will pee on everything he values.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
