my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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