Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
