I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
