my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
