Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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