Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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