Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
