I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
