OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How does it feel to date your dad?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
