he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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