If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
