I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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