8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the condom got lost in my hair
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
