the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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